Three Things

I’m deathly afraid of three things. Strangulation. Rope Bridges. And E.T.

I wish I was kidding.

Basically, I’ll break it down for you. The first one is not so bad. I mean lots of people are afraid of being choked to death. Even the fact that seeing anyone be hit in the neck or strangled on screen makes me queasy is not so bad. There’s actually a phobia of that – Al Gore’s daughter has it with wrists. It does mean I can’t wear turtle necks, I tug my collars so there’s a weird stretch that still confuses my mother, and that I have a smacking reflex if someone even gets close to my neckline.

The Rope Bridge thing is probably where I lost you. But that’s not so bad either. Ever watch a movie? Indiana Jones, anything really with a rope bridge? Have you ever once seen it where it didn’t break? And if it doesn’t, it creaks and crackles and builds the tension even if it’s not accurate to the scene. I may have also fallen off one when I was younger. Either way, it’s a logical fear—one that doesn’t happen to come up too much. At the movies those scenes are usually arm grabbers anyway and I think I’m safe as a sane person to say “no thank you” if anyone tries to convince me to cross a suspension bridge. I’d rather take the long way around.

Now, the E.T. thing. That’s… even I don’t really have an excuse for that one. There’s just something about that little freak that just gives me the shivers. Even just thinking about the fingers that stretch out with those little globs and --- ugh that’s just horrifying. That voice… that scratchy voice that just stretches as long as the fingers and I really have to stop writing about him, because it’s freaking me out. You should have seen me during the anniversary where all those car commercials had the little creep in it. I screamed and threw the remote at the TV, before I realized I couldn’t turn it off that way.

It hasn’t gone away either, just today the Food Network had something about Reeses Pieces and showed that little moon and bike thing and I had to flip the channel.

Just the thought of it is making me not want to sleep.

I’m probably the most afraid of E.T. than I am of anything else on that short list, which makes the logical part of my brain shake its head. After all, the thing was made out of playdough and chicken wire.

Doesn’t mean I’m not sleeping with the lights on tonight.